Double the Butter

Scandal on the Metro

The world keeps turning and so we go with it. Today was another long one at LCB but it had some interesting twists and turns.

Today we made sole Bonne Femme with mushrooms and spinach haystacks—why the perfectly tasty spinach needed to be molded into haystacks is a mystery, but that is life at LCB. I am getting a little tired of gutting and cleaning fish, but I have to say I can pop out an eyeball faster than you can say, “That’s disgusting”—so I have that little party trick ready to go whenever I happen to be with people I want to impress and there is a whole dead fish nearby. It’s probably going to come in very handy.

During the practical Chef was watching me like a hawk, maybe he he is smarter than I thought, because he knew I was up to something. As I was making the reduction for the sauce, I naughtily added my butter before I was supposed to in a time-saving measure that I knew would not make a difference ( and I added double the amount of wine which I am sure helps), but when he came around and asked me if I had added it yet, I lied and said no. Craftily, he told me to add it while he was standing there—which there was no way to get out of, and which I knew was going to make my sauce too greasy as it was a full double dose. A short moral dilemma ensued.

Being rather morally deficient though, I added it rather than admit I had already done it, as I didn’t want to get yelled at again, and hoped for the best. The sauce had whipped cream and whipped egg yolks in it along with the fish stock with the now double amount of butter, and I was counting on being able to reduce it all enough that it wouldn’t matter, but of course it did. My sauce, when it was completed “broke”. Which kind of means it separated when I added heat to it— which I had to do to finish the dish. When he saw my completed plate he, of course, said —”your sauce broke.” Figuring I have nothing to lose these days, I told him the reason it broke is because there was too much butter in it— without revealing why. In a lucky stroke, he said he agreed that the recipe called for too much butter and it wasn’t really my fault. Well, being no dummy I nodded along vigorously with his assessment and his wisdom and we had a little heart to heart visit about how much butter really is too much. We will see how many points he takes off for it, but I was happy to walk away without getting caught in my little fib.

In any event, the sauce must not have been too terrible, because, while we were visiting, he devoured half of my entire plate of fish. So hopefully, the pleasant memory of its taste will outweigh its appearance come grading time. As a bonus, he told me how to fix it— which was worth the price of the mistake. If you ever make a sauce that turns out too greasy all you have to do is add cold water to it and voilà problem solved!

It tasted good but sauce separated.

Elated to get out of LCB without feeling terrible about my performance I happily pranced to the metro station, used my metro pass and headed home. But as we all know, karma is a bitch, and as I climbed out of the bowels of the metro, the Police were waiting.

They were doing spot inspections to make sure no one was riding the metro without paying and demanded to see everyone’s ticket or pass. I presented mine and was immediately commanded to step aside with some other miscreants and cheaters of the venerable Paris Metro. Offended that I was being treated like a non-payer, I waited to give them a piece of my mind—which I really can’t spare. My metro pass costs 90 euros a month and it is paid up through the end of February. It turns out that I have neglected to include my photo on my pass and therefore, it is presumed that I am letting others use it, which is an offense against the entire French metro organization— and one for which they demanded I pay 35 euros on the spot or be reported to the American embassy.

I was thinking (as you probably are), is the American embassy really going to care if I don’t have a photo on my metro pass and are they going to track me down and make me pay the increased fine of 85 euros with which I was threatened? My guess is no—and being a bit of a gambler, I was willing to put money on that. So, I told them I don’t have 35 euros and the pass is good and has my name on it and they can can report me to whomever they want. But they weren’t so easily cowed. They then wanted to see my passport, which of course I did not have. But then they got a little angry and said I would have to wait there until they could verify my identity. Hmmm. I thought about making a break for it, but there were three of them, and one was rather beefy—the woman. So I said to myself, should I give them the money so I can just go home or do I stand my ground and see what they are really going to do over a missing photo?

Having been a victim of a home burglary here in Paris ( which is a great story) and having dealt with the real life version of Inspector Clouseau, I am pretty sure they couldn’t apprehend a criminal if he were handcuffed to the jailhouse door. However, it is really cold here today and the wind was whipping through the tunnel we were standing in, and I am sad to report to you all that I finally caved and gave them the money just so I could leave—but not without snapping this picture which infuriated them. I got into a wrestling match with the biggest one over my phone because she was insisting I delete the photo of her “colleague”. I said I would not, and we struggled for a bit until I finally pretended to delete it and ran up the stairs to freedom. So joke’s on you Metro Police.

I think she was going to hit me with the scanner. But he was rather ineffectual.

In other news, I went back to the bank today to demand my bank card and they were closed. On a Monday. In February. No holiday or strike in sight. Go figure. And regarding the mean chef from last week— old Group C ( led by me of course) is cooking up a plot to get revenge on him. We haven’t hammered out the details yet but we are going to think of something to make him pay for how he treated us last week. All suggestions welcome.