International Banking--Or Not

Eggs, Eggs Everywhere

This week has gone off without a hitch and I am now on the backside of my time at LCB. We had early classes every day this week which means I was up at 5:30am each day and literally fell into bed by 9pm every evening.

Here are some of the preparations this week—

A veal stew— with more of those potatoes and now carrots trimmed to match!

Daurade Normand with shellfish

Something the pastry class made. They have all the fun!

Since I have been in Paris, my one goal, besides succeeding at LCB, has been to open a French bank account. You would actually not believe how difficult that has been and how illustrative of French bureaucracy.

My first appointment with the bank people was January 4. They told me then that my bank account would be open in a few days. A week later I received an email saying my paperwork had problems and I needed to make another appointment. Which took ten days. I went to this second appointment and voilà, I signed another form, and then my bank account was to be opened in a few days, again. I received my login username directly from the bank employee herself, but, because I don’t have a French mobile, she said she would have to mail me my “code secret” to finalize the login. I waited a few days, and lo and behold, the “code secret” arrived and I logged into what I thought was going to be my first foray into international banking.

However, that did not happen. I was blocked and my account locked because I needed another “code secret secret” to validate my phone number. Back to the bank I went for the third time, only to be told that yes, sadly, one cannot log in to one’s bank account without verifying one’s mobile number, which has to be French. Ok, does no one but me realize we are going in a circle here, people. My eyes glazed over.

They assured me, that again, I could only receive this additional “code secret secret”, which really was for my own protection, by snail mail as my phone number—even though French- was a French landline and not a mobile number. Okayyyy. I waited three more days and another “code secret secret” arrived and I excitedly logged in and got to the final verification stage only to be told my “code secret secret” was not valid. Hmmm. I have a secret log in, a secret code and a secret, secret validation code and I still can’t access my measly little checking account online. so much for international banking. What if there were millions at stake here?

I went back to the bank earlier this week to tell them my “code secret secret” was invalid. Well, they arranged a small conference with their “colleagues” (very popular word here) and finally announced that I would have to get another “code secret secret” and again they could only mail it to me as the bank has no capability of sending SMS messages to either foreign numbers or landlines. Ughhhh. I don’t think I will even be here long enough for this to work out. Opening this bank account will not happen before climate change gets resolved or Ghislaine Maxwell gets out of prison—whichever happens later. Mark my words.

But I digress. Back to LCB—In addition to preparing for our daily practicals I have started typing up my largely illegible notes (product of being left handed) of all the dishes that might be on the final exam. This is time consuming, but a very good study aid. For the final exam, which is 45% of our grade, the chefs will select one of the 28 dishes we have made in our practicals and we will have to make it from memory. Yikes! It’s all been an early morning blur! I am going to have to study for this every day of my last few weeks here as I can barely remember if I locked the door when I leave each day, let alone remember all these recipes to make from memory. I am starting to think I am OCD as I keep wanting to go back and check the locks. If I start checking the gas too you’ll know I have stepped off the cliff.

In addition to making one of the recipes for the final exam, we will also have to demonstrate a specific technique we have learned as a separate part of the exam. Examples of this might include how to make eggs cocotte or oeufs poché or making an omelet. If you are sensing a theme here there is one.

Many of these “techniques” have to do with-you guessed it— a million and one ways to make eggs. A shout out to the friend who gave me the cookbook on Posh Eggs! Who knew that would come in so handy? There is actually an egg preparation video on the LCB website in which Chef demonstrates all these egg-centric dishes and it’s hilarious. He is whipping up omelets, frying eggs, soft and hard boiling them simultaneously, while additionally commentating on the rules of egg use (sound familiar) — mix them well, don’t mix them, don’t break them on the side of the bowl, wash your hands after touching a fresh egg etc. I am guessing that after technique we will also be graded on our hygiene in handling these little beauties.

Having raised chickens for the better part of 20 years I feel pretty comfortable with eggs but Good God I never knew how many laws there were about handling them. We have always just gotten them out of the coop and cooked them or given them to friends. I will never be so cavalier again. No Sir! Next time you get eggs from me they will come with a warning label.

In the apartment I have about three dozen eggs at any given time and each day I make some egg-iteration for practice. I have eaten so many eggs recently I might start scratching the ground and pecking next time you see me. Kind of a “What Would Chicken Do” or “Be the egg” style of learning. In any event, don’t be alarmed; I am for sure not going to fail this part of the practical.

Perfectly Poached Eggs

For the recipes though, I am terrified it is going to be one of the disgusting fish or whole chicken preparations. I feel like I have removed more lungs, hearts, livers and intestines than a trauma surgeon at Parkland Hospital. If you ever need an emergency tracheotomy, just call. I’ll bring the knife kit.

This weekend I am having lunch with the woman I made friends with-you remember—the one with whom I went to the jazz club several weeks ago. You will be happy to know we have been on several more “dates” and she has been a fun companion for me and co-complainer about daily life at LCB. Today is her last day though, as she was doing the intensive patisserie program and took her final exam the day before yesterday. She passed, you will be relieved to hear, even though she said her pastry creme had the consistency of yogurt—I didn’t understand either—but was happy for her. In any event she is going home this weekend. Not sure I could have survived intensive, but it would be nice to know its over! We are celebrating at Brasserie Lipp which is a relatively famous bistro in Paris that may, or may not, have really terrible food. I have never been there as I suspect it caters to the tourist set. Will let you know. Also, my daughter who is in Ireland, arrives tonight. She and I have lots of yummy dinner reservations and places to try in the 48 hours she is here. It’s a free weekend for her, as Mom is paying, but it is research for me! Hoping to have lots of good recommendations for you all by the time I say Adieu to Paris.